There are things you cannot reach. But you can reach out to them...the wind, the bird flying away. The idea of God. And it can keep you busy as anything else; and happier. I look; morning to night I am never done with looking. Looking; I mean not just standing around, but standing around with your arms open.
- Mary Oliver
When I planted a dream, back on the farm

When I planted a dream, back on the farm

The first thing I ever pinned on my pinterest style board, probably about seven or eight years ago, was this pair of turquoise Fluevog shoes. I could not then imagine ever having the money to spend on a $200 pair of shoes. I was an organic farmer's wife and an unschooling mom, so was expected to be in Birkenstocks. I actually wore Crocs, an ugly green pair that I had bought in Las Vegas while there on a paid-for bridal party trip for a good friend. All of the other women bought things like Coach bags and Jimmy Choos while I was honestly thrilled to have found this new kind of rubber shoe, with holes, that would allow me to water at the farm more easily (not that this was my calling - I played a small part in the farmer eventually falling for a farmer.) The point is that while wearing the Crocs,  I was pinning Fluevogs on my style board.

Jump ahead to this past April, when I got to go to Chicago for the weekend, to be with my boyfriend who'd been there on business. I had seen that there was a Fluevog store in Chicago. I had a little unexpected money and I knew that I wanted to spend part of it on cool shoes for my guy, and maybe a pair for me. So, a few years off the farm (the farmer and I had been divorced for a bit) and a few years into this new relationship, my Fluevog dream came true, just in a different color, along with so many other dreams. No one is more surprised than I am that I ended up back in the city with occasions to wear Fluevogs, and the means to buy them.

I appreciated a lot of my life back then. I didn't post that pair of shoes from a place of desperate longing. But yes, I knew that I had tucked a significant part of myself away. The extroverted city girl who used to direct theater and could dance the night away - that part of me was quietly dreaming big and was cautiously open to possibility.

The space between that farmer's wife and this newly engaged woman, who just sent her youngest off to college, is magical. After first living through the heartbreak and loss, I was able to overcome the grief and float up onto a new dance floor, one made of city streets and a spacious kitchen, in Fluevogs! When I was in the darkest moments of this life change, I could never had known what better things were in store. And there is some significance in having put those shoes up on pinterest. 

With love to anyone going through the darkness,

 

 A love note to my sister

A love note to my sister

Old Friends

Old Friends